Yo escribo lo que me da la gana

Hay quienes escriben siguiendo las tendencias del mercado o intentando predecirlas.

 

Yo, no.

 

Yo siempre he escrito lo que me da la gana.

 

Y así seré siempre.

 

Si no me llena el alma, si no cumple con algún deseo creativo o meta, si no me reta y si no me interesa, no lo escribiré. La vida es demasiado corta para conformarse y aunque hay quienes se aprovechan de las fiebres de temas, géneros y estilos de novela, yo escribo para que si lees un libro mío en 1, 5, 10, o 40 años, todavía te lo podrás disfrutar y posiblemente te encante.

 

Conste, si me dieran un dólar por cada vez que me han preguntado que por qué escribo tanto en inglés, no sería millonario, aunque estaría encaminado hacia un retiro temprano. La realidad es que hay dos razones primordiales por la cual escribo en inglés. Por un lado, me siento cómodo con el lenguaje y no lo veo como una amenaza a mi puertorriqueñidad. La segunda razón es que lo veo como un reto y una invitación a nuevamente demostrar que de Puerto Rico salen obras de calibre mundial y no sólo algo que conecte con el mercado y la audiencia local. Si quieres una tercera razón, pues es de lo que más leo porque los cuentos que más me encantan han sido en inglés. Le podemos echar la culpa a los currículos que me asignaron o que lo que me encontré que conectó profundamente fue en inglés.

 

Cuando escribí la serie de The Human Cycle, me decían que eso fue una buena movida porque los libros de vampiros se venden bien. Fantástico, pero aunque hay vampiros en los libros, no es una serie de vampiros. Hay Therians (cambiaformas que no sólo son hombres lobos). Hay ángeles. Hay demonios. Hay Photogeni (inspirados pero no copiados de los Ents de El Señor de los Anillos). Además, la serie es mi exploración de todo lo que conlleva la condición humana e incluso, explorándola a través de otras criaturas que muy a menudo muestran más humanidad y empatía que los humanos que aparecen en la serie.

 

Con cada poemario resalto la importancia de la poesía y como este género es infinitamente más abarcador de lo que muchos piensan. Si me da por explorar fantasía juvenil, ahí doy rienda suelta a la imaginación en busca de aventuras sin violencia porque me parece que hay un lugar para aventurar, disfrutar y soñar sin tener que recurrir a la violencia que es tan común.

 

Luego con Penumbra me adentré en el horror puertorriqueño, aunque no por diseño, sino porque unos colegas me invitaron a su antología. Quería dar lo mejor de mí así que escribí tres cuentos y envié el que pensaba que era el más sólido. Ahora, me disfruté tanto escribir para esa colección que escribí tres cuentos más y una novela corta explorando MI definición de lo que es el horror puertorriqueño. Evité los clichés y cada trama y personaje fue creado buscando capturar algo 100% puertorriqueño, relacionable, auténtico y de una perspectiva particular.

 

Así soy con todo.

 

Lo más importante es que lo que escriba necesita nacer de mí porque los cuentos, los poemas, los ensayos y todo escrito nace de un manantial del alma.

 

Ese es mi compromiso como escritor: que no importa lo que explore, siempre daré lo mejor de mí y abarcaré el tema de una manera que nadie más lo pueda hacer.

 

Así soy y así escribo.

 

Gracias por leerme.

 

Dos abrazos.

 

JD

 

Books are NOT fruitcake

 

 

Something I stopped doing a LONG time ago was gifting my books.

Even if the intention was good, even if there was an interest, more often than not, it felt forced and people didn’t take it for what it was, i.e. a gift, and much less as a part of who I am.

I stopped gifting them in this way because my books are not fruit cake. Think of the times you’ve seen someone receive fruit cake as a gift. Quite often it’s met with lukewarm or lackluster reactions with a thank you that barely makes it past the giftee’s lips. Don’t get me wrong, I know some people who LOVE fruit cake. But for the most part, a LOT of people don’t care for it and don’t care about it either, quite often gifting it to someone else. 

 

I’d gifted my book a couple of times and more than once, I got that type of reaction. Ho-hum would have had more energy than some reactions I saw. And that’s fine, no one owes you any reaction when receiving something they don’t want. Besides, something else I noticed is that quite often when I would gift any of my books, even when they were well received, people didn’t read the book. 

 

Somehow, me gifting the books robbed them of some of their magic. 

 

It was an odd lesson to learn, though one that taught me to treat my books with more love and consideration. A lot of love and effort have been put into each book, so it’s up to me to lead by example and treat them with respect. 

 

Then a peculiar thing happened. One Christmas someone asked me for copies of my books to gift to their dad. Then someone asked me for a copy for their nephew. Then someone asked me for one for their kid. They asked where they should buy, if I could sign them, and you could tell they cared about the books, because they were gifts they were making, not something that came unsolicited. 

 

Although this doesn’t happen every year, it does happen from time to time and quite often people are happy to pay for the books or buy them from local bookstores in Puerto Rico, even if it’s more expensive than some cheaper online alternatives. Because they are gifts and the more love involved in the gift, the more is received. I truly believe that. 

 

I’ve also been asked for free copies by people who aren’t readers. You know those people who go to any type of event just to get freebies they merely hoard? Those types of people just want the thing. It doesn’t matter what it is. And that’s even worse than treating books like fruit cake, which is why I have kindly declined their request. Some people are fine with it, others get upset and have even shared some choice words about my ego, self-worth, and other things, which merely confirms that not gifting my book in such a manner is the right call. 

 

So next time someone asks for a freebie, tell them you’re out of copies, or be honest and say you don’t gift copies just because. If they scoff, you saved a copy from becoming a glorified paperweight. If they apologize, they will see that your books matter and maybe they will change their tune. Either way, it’s your book. It’s a literary baby that you nurtured from an idea until it was brought to reality. 

 

It is not fruitcake. So treat it thusly.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls. 

 

JD

 

Ps.: No fruit cakes or their feelings were harmed in the writing of this post

 

 

El comienzo del regreso de JD Estrada

Qué bonito es estar de vuelta en Puerto Rico. Aunque hablaremos sobre el regreso de la diáspora luego, este post es para contarles las actividades que he disfrutado con la comunidad literaria de Puerto Rico: en eventos más grandes, eventos míos como autor y como fanático de todo lo que se hace en PR en nuestra comunidad. Abajo les cuento y hacemos un conteo de todo lo que he podido participar este año, aún bregando con las mil y una aventuras de la vida.

 

Eventos de Autor: 2

 

Para no haber tenido un evento en tienda hace años, dos eventos en un mes no está nada mal. Aquí resumen de los dos.

 

Diálogos de Penumbra Parte 1: El Book Stop en Santurce

Mi primer evento de autor en años fue el 5 de octubre. Ante todo, mis gracias a Lizbeth Arroyo de Tazas y Portadas por el assist para conectar con El Book Stop. Conozco a Liz hace años, le tengo muchísimo aprecio y si en algún momento estás feliz de que mis libros están disponibles en Puerto Rico, ELLA es la razón por la cual volví a traer los libros a la Isla e incluso, la razón primordial por la cual estoy leyendo mucho más en español.

 

Eso ya establecido, el evento de El Book Stop fue en el espacio cultural en Alto del Cabro en Santurce, un espacio muy acogedor y lo más que tengo que resaltar fue lo cómodo y bien recibido que me sentí. Patrick y Aryam fueron sumamente simpáticos y la moderación de Patrick fue hiper natural y llevadera. Te lo resumo de esta manera: fue como si dos panas estuviesen hablando de libros y uno de los libros resultaba ser mío. Tuve la dicha de que autores se dieron cita así que mis gracias a Ale Wal, Abraham Delgado, Grace Bosques y Daniel Krowman por decir presente. Si quieren ver el live de nuestra charla, denle clic AQUÍ. Conste, necesito compartir el descriptivo que le dio Patrick a la colección. Dijo que es como un Twilight Zone boricua y no puedo estar más orgulloso de una comparación así. La colección es oscura sin ser extrema y es un buen sitio para comenzar con el género. Aparte de eso, lo único que les puedo decir es que pronto tengo date de ir a El Book Stop para buscar alguito para mí. Tienen una selección muy interesante, ecléctica y diferente y si están por Santurce u Hormigueros, dense cita a cualquiera de las dos localidades.

Diálogos de Penumbra Parte 2: Casa Norberto En Plaza las Américas

El segundo evento de Penumbra fue el 25 de octubre en Casa Norberto: Libros and Café Bar en Plaza las Américas. Aquí quien se lució y lo tengo que admitir fue la familia. Uno cuando hace un evento el mayor temor que tiene es que no vaya nadie y mis suegros, mis hermanos y sus esposas, los dos sobrinos que están en PR, una hermana de la vida, una cuñada, la suegra de mi hermano que es como mi tía y dos miembros de mi familia extendida fueron. Además, dos amigos muy cercanos de la universidad también se dieron cita y tuve el placer de conocer una representante de una familia que le tengo muchísimo aprecio, porque me llevan apoyando más de una década. Además, conté con el apoyo de Natalie Rosario Ruiz (nuestra querida Malamañosa) y el súper combo de Gloria y Valeria González que escriben en conjunto e individualmente demostrando nuevamente el cariño que hay en la comunidad de autores en PR. Este evento se dio 100% gracias a Marilyn Vélez quien me distribuye los libros en Puerto Rico a través de Letras Distribucion. Así que si hoy por hoy te alegra poder conseguir mis libros en Puerto Rico, eso es gracias a Marilyn.

 

Del evento, pues, si algo es importante para mí es que no importa el evento que vayas, que te lleves una experiencia única y memorable. Para este conversatorio, conté con el apoyo de mi esposa, La Capitana. La gente siempre se queda impresionada cuando la ven a ella presentar y moderar. Yo simplemente sonrío porque con 15 años casados, 5 más juntos y conociéndonos par de años más, si de algo estoy 100% seguro es que si se trata de calibre, cito a PJ Sin Suela y digo claramente que mi esposa es Top-Top-Top. Además, nos preguntaron que cuántas veces lo practicamos y nos tuvimos que reír. Aparte de una mini revisada de las preguntas, no practicamos nada porque así somos y así fluimos.

 

Hablamos de la inspiración de Penumbra y cómo surgió gracias a una invitación de Ángel Isián y Melvin Rodríguez de Libros Eikon a contribuir a la antología No Cierres los Ojos 2 (y también me invitaron a la parte 3). Nunca había escrito en el género de horror y me lo disfruté un montón no sólo escribir en él, sino darle un toque puertorriqueño. Desde las localizaciones, el lenguaje, los temas, la jerga y hasta títulos de cuentos y capítulos en la novela corta, el ADN de Penumbra es 100% puertorriqueño, aunque evitando clichés. Otro tema que siempre resalto es que la artista de la portada también es local y que Karelys Luna es una dura. Ese primer draft de la portada me dejó bruto y sonriente y si estás buscando artista para la portada de tu libro, la recomiendo al 100%. Aparte de eso, dimos un resumen breve de cada cuento, tomamos preguntas y luego firmé copias para las personas que consiguieron la suya en Casa Norberto. Fue mega bonito y me lo gocé a millón.

 

 

 

Ferias de libros: 2

 

1er Festival del Libro en Manatí de la Editorial EDP

Para este evento, me uní a la mesa de Tazas y Portadas y confieso que más que un festival de libros fue un jangueo muy chulo para ponerme al día y conocer en persona a algunos autores que llevo siguiendo hace tiempo. Conste, vi algunos autores que he visto en otros eventos pero por despistado, pues se me pasó hacer lo mismo con ell@s. Pronto los veré en otro evento y de seguro saco un momentico para decir hola. El edificio en Manatí súper bonito y el ambiente muy ameno y relax, aunque de lo más especial fue tener tiempo para compartir con gente que quiero.

 

 

 

 

Festival de libros 100x35 en Caguas

 

He visto MUCHO de este festival con muchos autores que conozco participando y se ve bien bonito el grupo de gente que se reúne y fui al de Caguas en Plaza Centro Mall. Para mí fue otra oportunidad de ponerme al día con gente que conozco y aprecio, y como siempre, llevarme otro libro (o más de uno). Muy cool este esfuerzo. 

Eventos de otros autores: 3

 

E.R. Landrón: Casa Norberto Plaza las Américas

 

Mi primera actividad de vuelta en PR fue ir a ver a E.R. Landrón presentar el segundo título de su serie de Reign of Darkness, con moderación de Chrysos Stomos. Un crowdcito de lo más cool y vi a muchas amistades de las letras. Landrón se vive su saga y su grip de micrófono como si fuese un rapero de los 90s estuvo épico. Esto fue para julio y el próximo día me di cita en Bayamón a otro evento.

 

 

 

10 en 10: Santuario Libros y Discos en Bayamón

 

Diez autores hablando sobre diez otros autores. Un formato muy cool en un espacio simpatiquísimo con un café que estuvo de show. De nuevo, me encontré a muchísima gente, me presenté a algunos y me quedé con las ganas de conocer a otros. De verdad que fue fascinante ver a unos autores con obras y estilos TAN diferentes a lo que acostumbro leer y de verdad que un espacio diferente de la mejor manera. Cada vez que veo un evento queda claramente demostrado que en PR hay talento que ni botando.

 

 

E.R. Phoenix: The Bookmark San Patricio Plaza

 

Se los juro que no tengo preferencia a autores con E.R. en su nombre de autor. :) Por último, tuve el chance de conocer en persona y comprar el primer libro del Promissa Trilogy. Otro crowd completamente diferente y muy simpática la dinámica entre la autora y Frances Torres de Franbookshelf y el host de Capítulos con Café. Aunque la trama de Promissa suena intenso y desgarrador, algo que quiero recalcar es que el alma de educadora y de empatía de E.R. Phoenix siempre brilla. Desde los temas de sus novelas a su trato con la gente que se da cita a un evento de ella.

De paso, les cuento un detallito de ese último evento que NO me esperaba. Mientras esperaba para que comenzar el conversatorio, me cogieron MEGA fuera de base cuando alguien viene y me dice —¿Estrada?. Y yo como que wow, sí. Soy yo, que vine a apoyar a una colega de las letras. Ahí nos pusimos al día, qué estoy haciendo, qué estoy escribiendo y fue una sorpresa TAN bonita. Así que seas autor, book toker, o lector, si me ves por ahí y me quieres conocer, en confianza me dices hola JD u hola Estrada que será un gustazo charlar un rato.

 

Ahí hasta donde voy por ahora este año. ¿Inventaré o participaré en algo más? Desde ya te digo que sí. ¿Vienen cosas para el 2026? ¡JA! Digamos que sí y a ver cuánto te puedo sorprender. Eso dicho, es un gustazo estar de vuelta en la Isla y poco a poco pues me reincorporaré en PR para unirme a autores locales que están haciendo cosas bien cool.

Por ahora, pues dos abrazos, un adiós y nos vemos pronto.

 

JD

 

 

I can't drive 45

* * * * 

Although my birthday was back in August, it’s taken me until now to find the proper headspace and circumstances to get these thoughts down, which I think is a hell of a message of what it is like to be 45. So, in case you need the math, that’s 68 days since my birthday, or a hair over two months. 

In that time, a couple of things have happened, which is why I took much longer to get to this post. There’s no doubt that 2025 has been a mad little year for everyone with a pulse. In that time, I moved back to Puerto Rico, have set up our apartment, had a shift in career direction, had one book event, and will have another by the end of this week. I’ve also surfed some of the best waves in years, had my first root canal, met up with a lot of friends, set up my Substack page, with weekly posts, and much more goodness for people who sign up for free with extra goodies for anyone who signs up for the paid version, including video readings, tips on video, first looks into future releases, and more slices of life…which brings us back to this blog.

You may be thinking I would be closing down this blog, though you’d be wrong. The only reason that would happen is if data scrubbing got so out of control that I would consider it a much better option to close shop. My Substack responds to certain interests and things I want to write. This blog responds to others. My upcoming releases respond to others. And LinkedIn shall respond to other things as well. 

Why the fragmentation? Well, because each audience is ideal for something different. My Substack is titled Organic Creativity and I go into my process in regard to most things, while also inviting readers to try different things to reconnect with their creativity and to do so directly. In these AI obsessed times, I see how some people lose touch with that spark that makes them enjoy what they do. Sure, they may be “more productive” but what does that even mean? That Substack continuously talks about the human experience and the importance of it, especially during these times. 

For LinkedIn, I will be posting several things focused mainly on my advertising career. I’ve been wanting to write about those experiences for years and to share whatever little nuggets I think could benefit other people, even if the focus of so many is to use AI for most things. I will write about synergy, about the power of conversation, about things to do during film shoots and VO recordings, and how little touches can help you get a better product and also nurture relationships with producers, talent, and clients. 

So, what the hell will this blog be about? About anything and everything. Don’t expect a tone shift though expect things to be as personal as usual, talking about things that are important to me and I think would benefit us to discuss. In the end, every writing endeavor is self serving and serves me for a reason or three. What I do in this blog would not be a good fit for the other places. Might I eventually adapt what I write into another collection from the blog? That’s very possible, but only time will tell.

As a writer, the act of writing brings me joy, satisfaction, and balance. With it, I decipher the madness we live as a collective and the one within. Quite often, I write and I feel a weight lifted and I’ll continue being thankful for it. 

And when it comes to birthdays and important dates, it helps me capture the moment I’m living. And right now, it took me over two months to wrap my head around everything that’s happened the last ten months. That’s also something I can say about being smack in the middle of my 40s. I internalize and take my time to understand things better than I used to. Beyond maturity, it’s a need to understand rather than shoot from the hip. I take more precautions, prepare plans A-J at the very least, have dispensed with pessimism for the most part, and am selectively optimistic, though more often open to whatever life brings. More than any of that, I’m thankful. Thankful for health for me and my family. Thankful for opportunities given. Thankful for experiences had. Thankful for readers who read me here, on Substack, on my books, or who interact with my posts on social media. Thankful for fellow writers who offer kind and genuine support. Thankful for challenging moment and challenging people, because I learn from those exchanges. About life and myself. About what I’m willing to take, what I will call out, and what steps I will take to protect what is important to me. 

I think more than wise, I feel more conscious about many things. About the importance of the things that matter. About how I experience, react to, and take things on board. About how being close to family matters much more than other things and how opportunities have a way of popping up in different ways and different places, and you have to allow yourself the freedom to give it a go. 

I also better recognize the things that keep me happy and young in mind and body. A good surf, consistently stretching, eating as well as I can, properly hydrating, still enjoying random treats, playing video games, listening to good music, having long conversations with friends, keeping in touch with the people that are important to me, and plenty of other things. So let’s say that to me, 45 is a time to be mindful, present, and aware, or at least, that’s where I’m at and where I want to be. 

What will the coming weeks, months, and yes, years, bring? Who knows? All I know is that right here and right now, I’m happy and thankful, and that’s not a bad place to be. 

Thanks for reading and til next we connect in words…

Peace, love, and maki rolls. 

BONUS BIRTHDAY SKYTHOUGHT

 

 

 

 

Plus, a birthday #Skythought , because why not?

As I look at the book of my life
I see many pages behind me. 
Stories of every hue
Moments of bliss
All the genres mixed’
In a way that only makes sense in hindsight.

Part of me wants to sneak a peek
But the pages are blank…
Powerfully unwritten. 
 
I have committed verses to memory
And memories to stories.
I’ve danced with dreams and nightmares
I’ve sung dirges and hymns.
I have written much
In life and in books
But I can’t help but start today
With a devilish smile
Knowing the plot twists I foresee
And those that’ll just happen
One page
One word
And one breath at a time. 
©JD Estrada 2025

#SKyThoughts #poem #poetry #birthday 

A Decade of Daydreams

Once upon a time, I had a random conversation that led to dozens of ideas for short stories. Rather than let those ideas go, I wrote whimsical short stories on this blog and later released a collection with several of those adventures. Years later, I released a second installment where the stories were much bigger to be able to hold the amount the size of those adventures.

It’s been 10 years since I published the first collection of my Daydreams on the Sherbet Shore and to celebrate this, both installments are free until Friday and later free on KDP until the Fall.

These stories are extremely special to me since the project continues to evolve and grow to the point that from here on out, we will no longer be going on little short story adventures, but full-fledged Daydream novels. Out of all my projects, this is the one I invite the most audience participation, suggestions, and requests since all human characters are people I know from real life. It’s a project where I put no limits on what we can do together because it’s a space I always want there to be. So stay tuned for future adventures. I won’t say there’s no chance I won’t do short stories, because this project is what we make it, fellow dreamers. Thanks for 10 years of support with this and all my projects, for allowing me to pursue and indulge in each project to the maximum capacity and here’s to dreaming up a storm.

Peace, love, and daydreams.

JD

CLICK HERE to get your copy of both volumes of the Daydreams on the Sherbet Shore.

An Echo Within the Universe Outer Wilds DLC Review

If this is the first you’re hearing of Outer Wilds from me, maybe you want to stop by my Substack first. Or maybe you’d like to start here and then see what else you can find.

However, if you’re coming from the other posts I’ve made about Outer Wilds, then let’s get to it.

Accessing the downloadable content for the video game Outer Wilds is so simple that I had to look it up. (this is what we call sarcasm). 

While other games give you a second menu or something normal, this game goes full meta and invites you deeper into its universe. As for bang for your buck and whether it’s worth the price of admission, I’ll go on record saying I’ve never played any DLC that is half as memorable as this, because Echoes of the Eye is brimming with character, mysteries, puzzles, and enough new things to soothe that pain you have once you finish the main game.

Unlike the main game, Echoes of the Eye’s tone is much darker, with genuinely creepy moments that offer plenty of jump scares, while expanding and deepening an already rich lore. Whereas the main game is hopeful quite often, this chapter often feels and plays downright Lovecraftian and the stakes are just as drastic as in the main game, except you have new hazards to worry about.

While Outer Wilds explores several planets within a solar system, Echoes explores a cloaked spaceship somewhere hidden in orbit of said solar system. The first time you get past the veil and see the spaceship, it is a huge moment. Gravitationally, navigating around the vessel can be extremely tricky until you decipher how to approach it effectively. Once you get inside, the space feels so vast and constricted at the same time. It’s a marvel and you can see that they fleshed out a story before they designed the rest of the game, which seems to be the opposite of how they developed the main game. What results is a narrative heavy epilogue that becomes more so a sequel. You discover another race of beings that explored this solar system. Very polished, very organized, and quite often, very much out to get you.

In the main game, you’re surviving against the elements around you. In the DLC, on more than one occasion, you are running like crazy in the dark trying to get away from creatures who have realized you are where you shouldn’t be. These moments of tension might not be to the liking of many people, though I found them extremely exciting.

As for the tone, it reminds me of the Room mobile phone games. Dark, ethereal, heavy. Quite often you find yourself discovering a new room or a new piece of the narrative that is unsettling. Quite often you see a sequence that kind of rattles you and suddenly, there’s a flash flood or a super nova goes tabula rasa on you so that you can get your bearings and dive back in to explore that ship.

The ship has several zones and rather than have its own distinct flavor like each of the planets, everything here feels connected just enough to lead you into a shadow world. If this sounds a bit out there, it is. If it also sounds a bit complicated, you’re also right. 

Mechanics, narrative, gameplay, and puzzles are heavier and harder than the main game. Whereas with Outer Wilds I was able to decipher roughly 80% of the game, with this DLC, I needed help almost half the time. The clues are there, but they’re subtle. And in some areas, you have to turn so many ways in the dark while avoiding sentries, that a walkthrough is recommended, because although it won’t be easy, it’ll be doable. In this game, making a sound draws attention and sentries are agile and will outwit you and force you to restart on several occasions.

But like I said above, the narrative is heavier, and with that heaviness comes a rich story that shakes you as deeply as the main game, but in a different way. What the main game has better is that you have quite a few solutions to a couple of things while the DLC is very specific in when, how, and if you have to do something to get a solution or not. Although it was frustrating that I needed to ask or look for help, it never took away from the game. And once the end credits roll for this second part, you still feel that desire for more, though have to applaud the team for going to the lengths they did to present something so different while still maintaining the core of its DNA.

From all I’ve posted, I think it shows that playing Outer Wilds and its Downloadable chapter of Echoes in the Eye is one of the best and most profound video game experiences I've ever had the privilege to ply. This is storytelling and exploration reimagined in ways that should invite artists of any medium to challenge themselves and their audiences. These are games that reward exploration, experimentation, curiosity, and painstaking attention to detail. These are not games merely developed to reach into your wallet. It’s an experience that reaches into your soul to shake your hand, pat you on the back, and wish you well upon the journey of life.

Or maybe it’s just a video game.

To Héctor Álvarez, thank you for the game recommendation, brother. My apologies for taking so long though I wanted to write and create something worthy of the experience.

To the kind readers of this blog, my Substack, or my books, thank you as well. As a small thank you for tagging along, I mentioned there was one more breadcrumb as a thank you for joining me on this little scavenger hunt. It’s the least I can do as thanks to everyone who’s joined me. Feel free to share the link to the Substack, this blog, or just what’s below.

CLICK HERE For a thank you to my fellow dreamers. Better if you click from July 22-25 ;)

The Ends of the World

Before the world ended as we know it in 2020, my world as I knew it ended in 2019. It’s been six years since my Mother passed away and it still feels like yesterday. I think about her often, I talk and write to her often, I ask for advice and for her to guide me through my intuition in some way, and you’d be surprised how often my gut reaction is on the money.

That’s because when I say my world ended, I’m not saying it in a tragic sense, even though it’s obviously sad that I don’t have Mom on this plane to talk to. It was a personal paradigm shift where I found myself without grandparents or parents and it was odd. It’s not like I shed a skin, though it was transformative. It has to be, simply because you have to come to terms with the fact that those calls in the morning, lunch, and in the evening would become monologues and that responses would come in signs, feelings, and all manner of random things where Mom keeps popping up and saying hi. 

 

Today is also Father’s Day, and yesterday I was lucky enough to spend time with both my brothers and two of my cousins to celebrate in family. So it was natural for me to also think about Dad. My middle brother showed a picture where he had grown a magnificent mustache and looked like a green-eyed variant of Dad. 

Dad, Mom, and my bro.

So it’s a day with a lot of mixed emotions, though I can’t say sadness. Longing for a chat? Yes. But not melancholy. It’s not that it doesn’t happen and doesn’t come along, it’s that today I don’t feel melancholy. It probably has to do with everything that’s going on in the world and things being so heavy that thinking about my parents doesn’t weigh a ton today. It’s been six years without Mom, and twenty-two without Dad. And it’s weird, because I also remember that when he passed away it was also an end of the world moment. One that brought a lot of life lessons, though so has the hindsight I’ve experienced in two decades without him. 

 

I think that as we get older, chunks of the world or versions of our world fade away, evolve, shift, fall, break, or transition. I think it depends on the life event, the person, and the circumstances, though it still becomes a different world. One day you have a parent, the next you have a memory but you still carry that love, though by nature, it is forced to change and evolve. And it’s not a bad thing, it’s just life. 

 

While thinking about this, I think about my home spot where I surf and how it shifts with tides, swells, storms, erosion, and all manner of things. There are some core things that shall always be there, like certain parts of the reef. Sure, many things in the environment change, but those pieces of reef do not. 

 

 

No matter how big the waves come... 

 

No matter how violent the storms... 

 

No matter how much or how little the sands shift...

 

That chunk of reef is a constant and I think back to when I was a kid and I realize how many things I keep alive and maintain to this day, all pieces of my reef. And I realize that constants help remind us of who we are, regardless of what the world brings, and how many of those worlds end. 

 

So on this Father’s Day that coincides with Mom’s anniversary, I raise a glass to both Mom and Dad. I live in a different world than when you were here, though my reef remains, as does the love for you, which shall always be there. 

 

Cheers Mama Estrada, Cheers Papa Carlos, and to you kind reader... 

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.